# If you send me Fwd: , this one is for YOU!

This piece started off as something else, thought process got slightly ashtray and finally I found myself onto something that deserved a place of its own. The day google launched its mail application marked the end of yahoo-, rediff-, hotmail-era for me; and one of the many conveniences associated with the system was the most effective spam filter I had ever seen. Though once in a while the system would also decide some of the genuine mails to be Spam, I am really satisfied if I were to talk about the performance of the mail-client here. But, why would a mail-client or even the effective spam-filter have anything in it to book a place on this page? Reason : even the most effective spam filter doesn’t have the ability to keep your life free of some specific mails that will somehow always make their way to your mailboxes no matter how hard you try. They are not considered spam because they are from your known contacts and also they have harmless content, but I would anyday prefer a Free Screensaver and Enlarge your pen!s this winter spam over these mails. (Trust me; this is how penis is written in the spams your google-bot filters out for you.)

Personally, I am bugged by a number of mails I get in my mailbox; and broadly speaking, they fall into three-four categories-

1. Send this mail to X number of people in next 10/5/2 mins and you true love will be at your doorstep – will call you – will always be yours. Don’t do that, and doomsday is a term that was coined for a day you call “tomorrow”. This is the most frustrating thing one can ever come across. Firstly, I must have been dead for more than 21 years now, if the “Don’t ignore/delete this mail” warnings in these mails are remotely true. Secondly, suppose someone you love is 1000 miles away from you at the moment, and you want to get rid of him/her, just send this mail and then breakup the next day on grounds of disloyalty. And the best outcome, last night I found myself in bed with Aishwarya and Diya because I took the pain of forwarding all such mails.

2. “God loves you” . “Thank God for every moment he has granted you to live” etc. Don’t mistake me for an atheist; for I am not someone who is going to fight with you nails and tooth over the issue of the existence or non-existence of God, but surely the almighty made us to serve purposes more than just forwarding these mails. So get out of your panties, and for the love of God, stop sending these useless mails. Lets make better use of our lives.

3. "Fwd: Good morning” “Fwd: Good night” . Any mail that might be having Keywords like these in the subject line. Why, you ask? Well, tell me something. How can one be any more gay than this?

4. “Pics of XYZ” “The most beautiful girl” . these are mails that will give you the pics of some chick attending some conference you did not hear of, some place you have never been to, and something you would never care about. If your question is why I hate messages/mails like this; my answer would be-

a. “The most beautiful girl” blah blah, are the keywords of some of the most famous porno flicks available at all campuses worldwide, and I surely don’t need any porno in my mailbox.
b. I am least interested in the beauty of some lady I most probably will never come across in my life.
c. If I had some other intentions in mind while seeing those pictures (Read: Revealing pictures of Ayesha Takia, Kissing scenes from various gultu movies, or pictures wherein all you’ll see will be some woman’s bosoms) then I would happily tune into F-TV or any such channel and jerk off to glory.

There are some more that are qualified enough to make it to this list, but if you are one of those who forward any of these to their contacts, may be you should reconsider before hitting the Send button the next time; and if you know you were qualified enough to make it to the list but somehow missed, then may be you should wake up before its too late.